When you look at all of the lowkey laws the people of Vienna break on a daily basis, it turns out we’re all a bunch of badass criminals.
Here are some of the laws most of us break quite regularly:
1. Not indicating when turning a corner, or overtaking when driving
Sometimes, the drivers amongst us are just expecting the fellow drivers to telepathically hear us when we intend to turn left, ya’ know?! We don’t mean to cut them off in these instances!
2. Eating in public transport
Ok, we don’t know if this one is actually illegal, but it will earn you a fine from Wiener Linien if you get caught doing it. But we kind of get it that plenty of people are having a bite in the U-Bahn – this rule was only introduced in 2019, so there’s got to be a 20 year period during which they allow us to adjust, right?
3. Talking on the phone while driving
WHAT?! Some conversations can’t wait! Like, last week, when we called our Oma while driving to her house to tell her that we want the Apfelstrudel not the Topfenstrudel, it was practically an emergency. Like, what would have happened if she’d made Topfen?!
4. Cycling on the sidewalk
This one really pisses pedestrians off, too. Once we heard a old woman call out to a cyclist – ‘Tod allen Radfahrern!’
5. Speeding when cycling
We cannot help that our muscular legs pump out so much horsepower.
6. Letting our dogs run free
Who let the dogs out? The people of Vienna did! That’s right, it’s not uncommon to see dogs strutting around the place without any leash in Vienna in places they shouldn’t. Some people just feel that dogs are humans too so they deserve the same liberties. Until a dog can make us our morning coffee, we’ll have to disagree.
7. Trying out the fruit in a market and supermarket
We’ve all been there – wanting to sample the grapes in the Naschmarkt, we pick one off and throw it into our mouths. Well, we’ve got news for you – that’s stealing people! Do you go into an Apple store and just be like, ‘Hey, I’m gonna’ just take one of these Macbook Pros home to try out over the weekend.’ Ok, we actually see this as kind of harmless, but it technically is a crime.
8. Looking left and right a little suspiciously… and then jaywalking
If you’re reading this point and are like – ‘what? People cross the road even when there’s no zebra crossing there?!’ than you are the saint amongst pedestrians. Jaywalking has to be one of the most common crimes people in Vienna commit, and some even have stories to tell of police stopping and fining them when doing so.
9. Stealing the Sunday newspaper from those plastic pouches on street poles without paying for it
Well, come on – they expect you to always have the right amount of coins to put in that little box?! Seriously?! You’re asking too much.
10. Smoking (cupping hand over our mouths and whispering) weed
Wacky tabacky, Wiesn, Minz, Ofen, Besen, SIasses, weeeeed – it’s all talking about the same guilty pleasure – Marijuana! Half of Austria support it being legalised, but for now, it’s still illegal. And plenty of people are puffing on it!
11. Drinking cola with red wine
OK, it’s not an official crime, but it should be.
12. Throwing cigarettes on the street
Thank God we have such hard working people cleaning our city otherwise the pigeons would be wading through seas of cigarette butts in the park.
13. Drunk bike riding
Ok, so it seems we do a lot of illegal things on our bikes. And one of the ones way up there is drunk bike riding. Somebody should introduce a Uber for bikes in which somebody comes and picks you up and they ride you home on your bike while they give you a piggyback.
14. Buying beer from illegal backpack beer sellers
They’ll bring the beer right to you wherever you are along the Donaukanal, or at a festival, and they charge you bargain prices for them – to all of the backpack beer sellers out there – we love you.
15. Disturbing the peace with a hell of a lot of noise after 10pm
We really wish the city would relax a little on this one – once the clock hits 10pm, the city should become as quiet as a graveyard, but of course, it doesn’t – neighbours calling the police because their other neighbours are having a party is commonplace in Vienna.