So, I was walking down the street one sunny afternoon, when a guy in front of a store attempted to talk to me. I didn‘t react. He felt challenged. So he called after me –
“Hey you! I think you dropped something!“
Being used to these chat-up encounters (I’m surprised he managed one sentence, sometimes all I get is a wolf whistle as if I’m some dog), I continued to ignore him and kept on walking. A couple next to me turned around confused, trying to figure our what they might have dropped or lost. But then it came –
“It’s your smile!”
I cringed and almost tripped over my own feet, picking up speed as I fled the scene of the heinous crime.
Ok, so this is my first example of how not to get a girl’s attention. And be warned: I will take this misused compliment by its balls and squeeze! Hard. So please, excuse my rant for this one really deserves it.
A classic. If there was an anthropological book written about how the male species in our society performs it’s mating call, this would be the title. Every woman must have heard it at some point in their life. I don’t know how you feel about this unimaginative, sad and lame version of an advance. But I think the male camel’s tongue whip mating call is more evolved than this sad attempt.
It makes me want to throw things (large things with sharp corners) at the person whose mouth the words have stumbled out of. I’ve heard all of its colourful variations. From – “you have a beautiful smile,” to – “you should smile more often.“ And then there’s ye ol’ favourite – “Your friend looks so mean. Can’t she smile?” (I actually get this one quite often when out with a friend).
NO. FUCK, NO! I can’t smile. Not for you! There is an f’ing reason why my face looks at you like this! If it wants to smile at you, it will. But it’s doesn’t. You obviously inspire the opposite and why would you call your own failure to even more attention? Fuck-off face. Mission failed you smiling asshole.
Consider this: What person wants to be told what to do? No matter if they’re a woman or not. No matter if their being asked to smile or sing and dance naked at a Glitch Mob concert (ok, perhaps I would do this one).
But here’s today’s moral of the story, boys: Don’t ever tell a woman what to do. You have to inspire it in her. It’s NEVER a compliment. If a woman doesn’t smile, she has reasons for it. And if you can’t make her smile, you really shouldn’t call your failure to attention. Not smiling at you is actually an intended signal for “not interested.”
And it seems that I’m not the only woman feeling this way.
Kelly is right. It just makes me want to stab you. Stab, stab, stab. Oh, and look at those retweets. I’d like to see the crime statistics on how many stabbings have been committed by women that wish to reserve their smiles for fellas that deserve them.
Get content that you love in your inbox!
