THE Tiefe Kümmernis is a bearded saint; An art historian, a Drag Queen, and an unlikely ambassador of the gay community in Vienna’s art world. After three to five hours of shaving, makeup and hairdressing, 26-year old Ben transforms into her. She has been his drag character for about one and a half years now. Choosing his name, he went for something abstract, something unpredictable.
“There’s a raft of queens out there – more and more. I wondered what my contribution could be; It’s my weirdness, my connection to art. The Tiefe Kümmernis unites both. That’s why the Kümmernis is so likeable – she turns my weakness into my armour.” But Drag is not about sexuality, it’s not about a second personality, or wanting to be a woman. “Drag is a role you put on, a badass show character that you exaggerate,” Ben explains as he begins his transformation in front of his makeup mirror.
Vienna Würstelstand (VW): Have you always wanted to become a Drag Queen?
Ben (B): Never. To be honest, I had a proper aversion to Drag Queens. I always had a bad image of them… like the typical stereotype: the ones that flail at people verbally and live in those dodgy night bars. A proper vixen, even. What I thought it is a simply a guy dressing like a woman. And then… well, my ex-boyfriend was constantly talking about Ru Paul’s Drag Race and forced me to watch it, which I did, after we broke up. That was my gateway drug.
VW: What’s the connection between art and the Tiefe Kümmernis?
B: Firstly, drag is kind of my personal rebellion when it comes to art history. Majority of art experts are heterosexual, who view and interpret art from a heterosexual angle. But there has always been, and there will always be, a queer perspective. I wanted to give this a voice. Homosexuality has always been there. This is what I want to show in my role as a communicator of art in the KHM (Kunst Historische Museum).
Secondly, I’ve never been good at expressing myself creatively, but I was always looking for that medium to give my creativity to. When doing my first makeup, I realised that a face is like a canvas and doing makeup is actually like painting. It’s all about using forms and colours on your face. It became the expression for my kind of art.
VW: Let us get this right – drag is not about wanting to be a woman?
B: No. Drag is a role you put on, a badass show character that you exaggerate. People might confuse transgender, travesty with drag. Drag is not for privacy, it’s for putting yourself out there. As soon as you do it in private, it’s cross-dressing, at least for me.
But the world is big enough for everyone to find his, or her, own niche. When it comes to my identity though, I’m a man. And I also want to be wanted for my masculinity. Even if I’ve always considered myself as a female man. A man finding me sexy in Drag is just not on – at all. This is one of the reasons I’m no girly Drag. If I don’t want to shave my beard, I won’t do it. It’s my own compromise, my own limit. I’m more of a gender-bender. I’m blurring the lines.
VW: Speaking of ‘gender-bender’ – what the hell do you guys do with your penis when in drag?
B: There are basically two options, one being more painful than the other. The first option is to hide your balls in the pudendal-pockets (they’re made for it anyway, you know?) I mean, you still can see a little bulge, but it’s only a skin pouch. You pull the penis in the direction of your butt and fasten it with cello tape there. Some use electrical tape, but that’s even more painful. You basically need to glue the penis to your back. Before all that, you have to shave and rub it with alcohol to degrease it, which can cause irritation.
The second option, which I prefer, is called gaff. You cut tights into shape – you basically cut a pocket like you have in panties. As it is pretty tight, you can hide quite a bit. Still, when it comes to bikini-costumes, there’s no way around option one.
VW: Sounds painful…
B: Well it is. It’s not just that. Wearing heels is like hell. Sometimes my feet are numb for days, or are all bloody when I take them off. It’s so damn frustrating and discouraging sometimes. When I started learning how to do my makeup, and after five hours I still didn’t look like my idols, that was unpleasant and painful. That’s why you need a community to stop it from frustrating you. If you don’t have your most self-confident day, it helps having like-minded people around you. I mean, Drag is like living in a goldfish bowl… constantly, which means it feels uncomfortable sometimes. Especially in the beginning… buying bras, tights, makeup… I always turned red, had attacks of heavy sweating, sometimes I couldn’t bear it and left the store without buying anything.
VW: Why do you do it then?
B: I get so much out of it. The Tiefe Kümmernis definitely boosted my self-confidence. I dare to wear unusual clothes now as Ben. When people stare, I really don’t care anymore. The reactions you get in drag are so much stronger. I’ve also started wearing makeup, like a bit of concealer for instance, in daily life without feeling fragile in my masculinity, anymore.
Additionally, and especially as the Tiefe Kümmernis is a gender-bender and softens gender limits, it is like a constant self-discovery and self-awareness process.
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