1. The fear of life that fills you like you’re being chased by a bear when a tram is riding up behind you
2. You perform big exaggerated turns over the tram tracks so your tyres don’t get caught in them
3. Riding the bike path on the ring is like the Tour de France with an obstacle course made for bikers… on which the obstacles are tourists
4. You always need to keep your finger on your bell like a finger on a gun’s trigger to warn pedestrians wandering into the bike lanes
5. You’d rather cycle another 3km to avoid riding up Mahü at all costs – it’s steep and shoppers are territorial of this street
6. You get a little bit jealous of the person who rolls up to the traffic lights before you do because they can lean on the pole to hold themselves up
7. The frustration in having to express your bike rage with a less than intimidating bell
8. You still have the feeling like your bones are shaking and your ass is bruised hours after riding over cobblestones
9. Riding leisurely next to your friend is lovely, but it’s a ‘sigh’ moment when somebody else does it with theirs and takes up the whole bike lane
10. Some serious bike drag racing happens along the bike path along the Donaukanal heading out to Klosterneuberg – amateurs and the leisure bikers beware!
11. Hearing a bell on your left is code for ‘you’re too slow, get the hell out of my way!’
12. That feeling of – ‘Ahhhh! what the hell do I do now!’ – when the bike lane on a main busy road just suddenly ends
13. Riding over a bridge towards the Danube island is the definition of freedom
14. Getting caught and fined for drunk riding on a bike will mean one less holiday this year
15. You know we’re living in a relatively peaceful city when police chase you up the street in their car with flashing lights to fine you for not riding with a light on at night
16. Like a surfer has the constant fear of being eaten by a shark, you live with the fear that one of these opening car doors may one day kill you – every biker has the same dooring nightmare
17. The feeling of being shamed and recieving the disgusted stares on the U-Bahn when the driver announces over the loud speaker that you’ve got onto the wrong carriage with your bike
18. Riding a bike is no longer a way of transport in this city, it’s a way of life
19. That since biking has become so popular in Vienna, your lycra biking shorts will cost you more than that last suit or ball dress you bought
20. There’s never enough bike stands
21. Dodging horse crap is a daily hazard in the inner districts
22. You can get anywhere quicker in the city than your friends who take the U-Bahn
23. Once you go bike, you never go back
24. You own the road, but you let the car drivers think they do
25. That moment when you get to cheekily smile at the driver who just honked you with rage, and than point at the arrow on the bike lanes indicating that you are allowed to ride in the opposite direction on a one-way street
26. You can’t beat the feeling of triumph when you see the sign underneath the one-way street sign that says bikers are allowed to go the other way
27. When you drive up behind a person on a city bike, you can’t help but think you’re superior to this hobby cyclist or tourist and that this will be a very slow ride, until you overtake and zoom past them yelling, ‘so long mother*****!’
28. The shared knowledge amongst experienced cyclists that it’s not cars, trams or pedestrians that pose the greatest danger to bikers, yet the other inexperienced bikers who have no idea about the traffic rules
29. You don’t know who’s idea it was to allow these guys on a bike lane
30. In Vienna, you’re more likely to have your bike taken by the Magistrat when you leave it on the street for too long, than have it stolen
31. The satisfaction when you hear while hanging out at a Würstelstand: “Die Radfahrer, diese Arschlöcher.”
32. The unspoken respect for that friend who rides no matter the weather conditions – rain, snow or shine
33. The pain felt when you pedal all the way to the city bike station closest to your house to discover all stations are full and you’ll have to ride on to another station kilometres away
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