Certain things start to happen when the city of Vienna gets a fever pushing towards 40 degrees. Several colourful curse words begin to be thrown at the sun, and people of Vienna behave a little differently during a heatwave. This week is one of those sweaty examples of what we’re talking about.
Here are 33 signs that it is too hot in Vienna right now:
1. People are wishing for winter and 90% of their conversations are about how hot it is!
This is typically followed with the line – ‘ I don’t like this heat, I’d much prefer if it was around 19–23 degrees.’
2. Nobodies answering your emails
3. The front page headline of the Heute newspaper is not exaggerated/sensationalised, and is actually quite true
4. People are hanging out in the foyers of Altbau buildings
5. People are only walking on the shady side of the street
6.The fountains become water parks for kids
7. Your weather app is telling you it’s hotter in Vienna than in Sydney, Australia
8. The Donauinsel is the most populated place in Europe (excluding Italian beaches)
9. Half of the stores and restaurants are closed
10. And when they’re open, the store owners are out the front wishing they were part of the action where everybody else is
11. Everybody is sitting on the 1st district side of the Donaukanal where the steps are, while the other sun-stricken side is empty until 6pm. After this time, everybody migrates to the other side
12. People are using their fidget spinners as fans
13. The tiny trickle of a stream running in the Wienfluss looks even more pathetic
14. The sunny side of the bus is empty
15. The U6 metro line STILL smells
16. People are hanging out in the Burggarten park even after they’ve closed the gates at 10pm
17. You’re enjoying your time too much in Billa’s freezer section
18. The Irish community’s ‘tan’ lines make them look like the most patriotic Austrians in the city
Red, white, red is the new brown, people.
19. People get excited when they see storm clouds
20. You like the feeling of sweat on your back when you enter an air-conditioned U-Bahn
As long as it’s your sweat…
21. Ice cream queues are longer than a wedding conga line
And eating your ice cream before it melts becomes a stressful business.
22. Beer o’clock at 9am is socially acceptable
OK, we’re just kidding on this one, Frühschoppen (late morning drinking) always goes in this city.
23. If you listen carefully, you can hear people mutter, ‘Wahnsinn,’ or ‘Scheiß Hitze!’ under their breath when stepping outside
24. Nobody is wearing a scarf in the 7th district
Yes, even the hipsters.
25. Boob and ball sweat becomes a subject (or is that just us)
26. When you end up calling the emergency services because that lovingly playful drunk friend of yours is being swept away to Bratislava after jumping into the Donaukanal again after a night out at Flex
27. There’s no room to lay down a towel on the grass at the pools, and the pools are so packed with people, no amount of chlorine can kill that broth of human bacteria
Anybody have a soup spoon?
28. Nobody is fighting you for a seat on the bus as people would rather stand than trade sweat with somebody while sitting
29. The locals start speaking with a Hochdeutsch accent to the supermarket cashiers just to feel the chilling coldness they’ll throw at them for doing so.
30. When the Mozart concert ticket sellers make Mozart look like a pimp with sunglasses
31. The streets in the outer districts are empty, like the city’s been evacuated after a nuclear explosion
32. You are not really sure how to answer the waiter in the coffeehouse when they ask you ‘What would you like to drink?’
33. You try to stick your feet under the street cleaner when it comes down your street